In my early twenties I used to mock gurus who preached about the emergency of waking up. It was a simple logic. In every soul, everywhere, in every condition it’s the Absolute. Every soul is going to get liberated from illusion one day. No dream can last forever. I will also get liberated one day because this dream can’t last forever, this suffering has to end sooner or later.
Now this logic works fine because everything works on its own. Universe, multiverses, cosmos work on their own. In the absolute viewpoint everything is as it should be so there seems to be no emergency and yet emergency does exist as a part of the whole. Just because whole is perfect and you’re the whole in final analysis, it doesn’t mean part doesn’t exist at all. The emergency in a dream is still an emergency or better to say emergency in a nightmare.
If someone tells me about fanciful tales of awakening I am very likely to disbelieve them. For me–take your worst nightmare and multiply its worstness quotient with a figure like zillion bazillion or anything else which is much bigger than that and that gives a rough idea of my awakening. The point is you can’t express in words how bad a nightmare it’s we all are watching and waking up from it is not a fairy tale–it gets worse as the yearning to wake up becomes stronger with each passing moment. As you wake up you realize how intensely dreadful this limited existence is and with an end in sight(which might also be an illusion like previous ‘false awakenings’) you try to toss and turn helplessly on your bed of thorns.
Thus absolutely there might not be any emergency but for a seeker there is.
Nectar of Immortality
I had the experience of Kundalini rising up and opening up the stream of nectar in Dec 2014. Since then I have this constant dripping of cerebrospinal fluid on the tongue from my mouth’s palate. The yogic texts highly extol this liquid and call it nectar of immortality. It is supposed to liberate you from cycles of birth and death. I want to tell you about my intimate experience. I was naive and used to think that it would immediately liberate me as soon as I tasted it. I was also naive when after tasting it I inquired about it in yogic texts because I never anticipated it. Like Kundalini I never looked for it or for light inside my head. I wanted to get liberated. I wanted lasting bliss and peace. Thus when I tasted this nectar and my life didn’t completely change I felt that yogic texts might be wrong. But the truth of matter is–it’s a transforming agent. The energy creates this liquid and it’s digested giving more energy to body and mind. Thus your body-mind are being converted into light body and this ambrosial liquid serves as a fuel and mild intoxicant. I keep drinking it day and night yet I remain perpetually thirsty. That is to say I am not really blissful and I have not reached final peace despite all that has been said about it.
When I meditate on logos there is more nectar flowing profusely and making me ecstatic but this ecstasy doesn’t last. Guru Nanak says:
” O Nanak your devotees live in perpetual ecstasy because Word washes away all sin and sorrow!” [ Jap Ji]
I tell you from my personal experience that I don’t live in perpetual ecstasy. Instead I live on recharge vouchers. I recharge my batteries by listening to logos for a few hours and then I can survive for a few more hours. Then equipoise vanishes and darkness takes over–existential nightmare takes over. Then I again need to recharge my batteries. Other than these recharge vouchers all that I have read, heard or felt seems to be garbage and not absolute Truth.
Texts like Nad-Bindu Upanishad suggest that by communing with Word(inner sound current) one reaches Turiya state in a fortnight.
I don’t know who wrote this sacred text but I’ve been communing with sound current for over a decade and haven’t reached Turiya State yet. Turiya is the fourth enlightened state of equipoise which is the substratum of other three states of waking, dreaming and sleeping consciousness. One explanation which was given by my sibling was–I have reached Turiya. If it’s indeed Turiya and it’s what enlightened sages were in it’s not really peace. There still remains Karma to be exhausted until I leave this body even if I am liberated. But heat/cold affect me and so do hunger, desires and fears. I am not really liberated and not in Turiya. The only explanation could be my Karma. I had great amounts of karmic burden which needed to be burnt before I get liberated. Drinking of nectar didn’t result in immediate enlightenment but it did goad me to try harder. My love for Absolute has grown in intensity day after day, month after month, year after year and my everyday life looks drastically different from what it used to look before I drank nectar. Thus logos and nectar purify soul and burn Karma off.
I feel no texts or scriptures match to your personal account of liberation. Logos is such a soothing salve on your spiritual wounds that it alleviates suffering temporarily and acts as recharge vouchers. Commercial recharge vouchers for electronic appliances don’t act with previous recharges because they are one-time only service agreements but logos recharge vouchers build up light in you and wash up your soul.
I didn’t have experience of light and sound at the time of initiation because I was already listening to sound before meeting the master. The dilemma of putting faith in a master who never meets you in person kept harassing me. I respect all masters who affected my thinking in one way or other and I even consider my relatives, friends and others I met in life as masters. But with regards spiritual masters I feel sound current originated in me on its own as a result of about six years of breathing practices in my boyhood. All masters consider themselves as manifestation of logos. I therefore feel it easy to consider sound current as my master. Masters themselves exhort disciples to consider the inner spiritual essence to be their masters and not their outer appearances. I had so much confusion and dilemma that to put my faith on anything else but my inner self and logos(which is one and the same) seems impossible.
Texts and schools contradict each other hopelessly and endlessly. I console myself by assuming that Karma is getting burnt as I keep meditating. Every hour spent peacefully is Karma burnt. I had many false awakenings and I might have some more but I have not been more earnest in the pursuit of Truth ever before. It’s not a choice–every power of Self now rejects everything in this existence. The logos is the way and it seems to be the only way. This saturnine game has continued for eons it seems and there seems to be no end in sight.