Staying in the central channel means staying in the heart. Being loving, caring, kind and compassionate–not letting our heart become closed because people around us or circumstances force us to react. When we witness darkness and transmute it into the light vitality is created and if you keep listening to the word and stay present your vitality will increase–still the impurities which obstruct the central channel around our heart center are very subtle and especially after you die–as you awaken into a new dimension you feel alienated and everything is speaking to you in symbolic dream language. Everything is associated and you can witness large patterns and chunks of information–you can easily understand abstruse truths about nature of Reality. You realize that it’s all an outer manifestation of your inner. Not only your body, emotions and thoughts but also the world around you–your reactions spontaneously create the world around you and your world around you creates reactions until you detach yourself and come to your central channel–to your loving home–at your heart and become calmly aware.
Witnessing is full of power but you need to be wary of your instincts because often awakening is ‘forced.’ Very few of us truly know that they have died or entered into another dimension and it was the case with me. Dogs around me started barking when I had libidinous desires–be it on screen or offscreen–immediately I will see dogs or pigs or cocks. Whenever I felt like a victimized devotee someone or the other will be beating a dog or scolding a cow and it hurt me so much because I always identified with those being hurt though I knew I was one with everything. My having consumed Bhaang(Marijuana cheap extracts sold for 1 rupee in Indian streets) and then concentrated on logos and achieved many trances made certain alterations in my brain–though my meditations and studies kept me sane yet I suffered. I did take it as collective suffering and until February didn’t realize fully that it was indeed a mass awakening. Now as you see–there are two ways to look at it–one is to take full responsibility–which means I might have taken another road and another is to realize that as we keep waking up we witness expanded consciousness and greater divinity which was always there. We have portals for awakening present always and when we realize what impact our thoughts–especially our compassionate and loving thoughts have on collective we try to use each thought and moment to gain positive outlook and enter into more positive and enlightened realities and destinies.
There can be infinite ways to express awakening stories–all formulations but none can capture reality because it’s what we are–it’s what makes these formulations, perceptions and stories possible. As we can’t look at our face but only at its reflection in a mirror similarly we realize ourselves through our relations with people and manifested by facing darkness we appreciate light.
My heart knot was clearly not fully unraveled when I entered into new dimensions and therefore I carried much unconsciousness, guilt and instincts without being fully aware of them. I witnessed being beyond time and space and fully capable of choosing things–but the urge to do something and inability to rest in the clear light and encounters with more and more darkness manifested in the outer(as inner and outer had become one) overwhelmed me.
On November 26, Saturday my father and sibling along with another distant relative took me to another master. Just observe how divine is number game–Nov 13th was the previous initiation and this one was November 26th–being interested in numerology and having my birthday on 13th(hanged man/death)–I had long observed patterns around this number now it was literally post-death. We went to that place in old Maruti-800–the car my father wanted me to learn to drive and I tried for couple of days. Now the relative said that the music system was not singing anymore–that is it was not working anymore. I realized it was a suggestion about me because I had sung many songs when I entered into the fifth dimension and they were sung with an intention to entertain everyone. But later as I realized that actually I was judged for them–the negative evolutionary momentum made me extremely quiet and unable to judge when to speak. Later in the mystery school I was taught to keep quiet internally too–because the instantaneous feedback from surroundings used to overwhelm my highly vulnerable extremely subtle consciousness. Now as we kept driving I enjoyed ride but I had to hear every discussion between them–as I paid attention they seemed happier but as soon as I drifted their voices seemed to become harsh–it was all happening to me.
When we reached to the village–I asked the name–Patharam was the name they said. There lived a devotee of Hanuman–a saint. We all sat in a queue inside a room where a Hanuman idol was kept. After a few minutes the master rang a bell as a newborn baby was coming inside the room via door–he told a lady ” take him away we have no use of him here.” I immediately knew that it was a manifestation of my extremely subtle consciousness being told that I could no longer live like a baby–a hamsa–a swan–I needed to take responsibility. They had told me that the ritual ceremony was for my sibling and I had to merely join them for adventure. I felt, since they had no time–they invented these games to pass eternity in the timeless and I complied. Then the master who was sitting on a chair instructed a boy sitting besides him–the boy went into a trance and said ” My name is Rohit and I don’t obey my parents and I am lazy and so on..” I thought that it resonated with me and my sibling–actually being a witness I used to become everything–but there was a relative named Rohit in our family who also resonated with the description along with how my brother behaved. I thought that was miraculous but I had seen many things by now and with my last initiation I was wary of not surrendering fully to any person–the master asked us to bow down to the feet of idol and we did. As my brother sat there they said some things about him and it was mostly about job-security my father wanted. The master told my sibling will get job before I will–it kind of caused certain envy along with full awareness that I never wanted a job as it was a drama–a make believe at best.
Then as I sat on altar I had many tears in my eyes as smoke from incense kept coming into my eyes and it was miraculous because prior to that it was going into different direction It associates with the smokiness stage of death as per the Tibetan Book of Dead where water dissolves into fire and energy of attachments dissolves as one feels surrounded in the fire. I was, like my brother, suggested to go out to a corner and come back. An attendant of master kept asking my brother about me ” Where did you find her?”
The gender-bender insinuated many things–my losing identity–my being a new soul in a new dimension and my being a being who looked like a lady to them. They gave tantrum lockets to both of us. I thought I was less afraid in this one and the return journey had some amusing conversations in which I participated with much confidence using my wisdom recollections. They kept talking in symbols–little did I know that now my mystery school was going to be even more intense–for next month and half it was an intense scornful environment which saw me witness most dramatic, mystical, magical, horrendous and sometimes blissful teachings from school of life.
I had applied for an examination–a post of labor inspector under the pressure of family–though I was subtly aware that it was merely an employment energetically–because as I used to study timelines used to shift–the characters in the book and even content used to change. It was not just movies and drama talking to me “live” but also books. Then as I studied various moods kept alternating. A few girls who used to come to take tuition from me were all reading my mind and their talks were actually addressed at reacting to my mind–I could not read their minds but they were constantly controlling mine. It didn’t resolve until I had another journey to take exam and I started using binaural beats and instrumental music with earphones to ward-off external sounds–since I had very subtle hearing–entire environment wreaked havock on me for a long time before I started to learn to protect me and that was more learnt because of pressure than because of willingness. Staying at the center helps you get true power which is the power of love and compassion. It gives you tools to expand yourself because then you are connected to entire cosmos–to all enlightened beings.