It was the longest days and nights of November 13th. I had difficult argument as I reached home. I went to other house where I slept scared. The next morning I felt I had switched time-lines and I was free to go wherever I wanted but then ideas about identity card–money and so on came to me. I was being driven by instincts and they lead me to my home where I found ghosts living. I wanted to escape and very heavy I went outside finding two kids–beautiful asking me to give guava fruit by plucking it from the tree. I did that and they asked for more–being wary of quarrelsome nature of my neighbors I didn’t comply. November 14th was going to be another magical day as I realized I had no merits left, nowhere to go, no friends, no parents or protectors and only this timelessness and pitris.
I was haunted by the idea of movies where souls of children were possessed by some old people who wanted to live forever. I went back to the place where I used to stay and a neighbor who was mild appeared and I asked him what I should do–he asked me to follow my parents and I asked who Krishna was-he said he was merely a Shloka(verse)–he didn’t want me to speak much as whatever I was speaking was being heard by everyone. The desire based memories I had shared across the dimensions came back to haunt me. Below is a brief summary of my roaming into the various realms in the fifth dimension after Death:
Nov 13: Secret Initiation and Tryst with Yama.
Nov 14: Children’s Day: Being haunted by ghosts and pitris.
Guru Nananka Jayanti: Full Moon in November: Looking for work roaming city on feet.
Meeting a friend.
Dec 13: Celebrating full Moon as Dattatreya Jayanti and my birthday after dying and the last month had me see all miracles, delusions, mystery school, chastising, possession, becoming machine, moving through time-lines and parallel universes, slavery, finding ancestral karma. Dark entities. Dying many deaths everyday. Another secret initiation. Uploading into many realms. Realizing that it was day of demons and night of gods and demons were possessing all bodies around me.
Jan 14: Day of gods as per Hindus. By now I had a very long mystic journey in which I was torn to pieces. Phoenix bird. Association with a high priestess which saved me. Thousands of spirits empowering, attacking and initiating. Symbolic talk about currency being energy. Utter hopelessness and being initiated by Dakini angels.
Feb 14: In a bunker, having recollected wisdom and understanding of ‘energetic employment.’ Having created Vajrasattva purification and cultivated noble virtue with logos and one-pointed recitation of OM AH HUM I started sharing my ideas again on my previous blogs–trying to find my soul mission and understanding new systems of awakening. Helping others by being a healer and a ‘frequency holder’
The brief summary above represents what I have written about in various blog posts and also what transpired in four months. There are many events which need good explanation. I feel I have lived thousands of years in last four months like sage Markandeya who was in his ashrama all the time but witnessed cosmic dissolution. The sage wanted to witness the Matrix and got a boon from God and then saw cycles of creation and destruction. I realized that since I felt like having lived for many eons I could no longer say that I was merely 31 years old–my actual age was limitless and only difference was now being aware of all what reincarnation, death, life, Reality, God and Self meant.
Hell, Heaven, Reality.
That day I was haunted by ghosts badly–as my mother and grandmother kept offering food to me and I kept eating as my vehicle seemed to be floating in the negative air–I felt getting heavier and they seemed like masculine imposing horrifying entities in form of those ladies. I accepted the pain because I had been running and had a tryst with Yama the day before. I wanted to rest but at the same time felt that I couldn’t because I was so afraid of being possessed by them. As I tried to shut my eyes–I heard whispers outside and they were so horrifying as if certain magic ritual was ongoing and I was merely a scapegoat, a sacrificial animal who had been fed. A few days ago as I lied down on bed the two hellish beings were making me suffer mentally and physically–the fangs which were psychic entered into my psychic body and their talks were scorns–always scorns which bit me hard. I witnessed how dark they were and I asked them to release me but they never replied in good terms–scolded me like a baby is scolded and it was hell. When I went upstairs–this sibling who called himself a Hindu came after me and wanted me to go downstairs with him–I asked him about things in plain terms and he kept playing with words–all I had taught him was gone in thin air–all initiation, all saving and all teachings were gone. The matrix immediately produced a horrifying form–I had never been scared of dark or ghosts or ghostly forms–this guy caught my hand as if acting and said “look what is there…” I saw a ragged old ghostly lady on roof infront of ours–as our neighbor I knew her but the way she was standing was surely a ghostly presence and sent chilling shivers down my spine. This was enough to tell me that there could have been more.
I asked him if they wanted to take me away on a ship why didn’t they–why keep me on earth–he said to me to recite Sundarkanda–a type of prayer in devotion to monkey god Hanumana which is said to remove evils. Why wisdom forces would compel a independent spirit to chant Hindu verses if he was independent thinker and reached his own Truth? There was no one to guide me or discuss with me–all seemed to soak psychic energy–I refused to go downstairs–then another boy came up who was possessed by Nagas and other entities and he also tried to convince me to go downstairs–dark forces were so dense that day that I could hardly move any positive thoughts. I came downstairs and tried to sleep besides them–they again started laughing and it seemed a possession where I felt like a poor lady victim and they kept inserting fangs inside my root center–they said it was healing and it was necessary–they said me to “allow” it but why did it seem so unacceptable–even letter–whenever this sibling sat near me I could feel painful nails getting inserted into my root center and so was the case when my father was around–they were both addicted to tobacco, violent in speech, angry and worshipers of dark forces. The younger sibling even reported of seeing ghosts in earlier years–I had once suggested him to take Bhaang(marijuana) with me and then we discussed Philosophy but after a while I found him trying to do magic on me. Who was he possessed by? Both my brothers used to create sounds of a young male buffalo in their sleep and when doing Astrology I found out that they were in hellish realms before this incarnation–now I had no faith in Vedic Astrology and I realized it was my time in hellish realm–fully conscious and aware how I entered in it–for mother, for family and for humanity’s darkness to get transmuted–still it was overwhelming and deluding.
We might think that we can imitate the deep layers of psyche when practicing Tantra–but we can’t–if you want to see your own darkness you must develop a great deal of light and love and compassion for all life–you will certainly wake up no matter how dark the light is–but hopelessness will not shatter you into thousands of pieces if you go with light. When you break away from three dimensional matrix and get established into the fifth and higher ones you fully comprehend there is no right or wrong for you–only evolutionary momentum because Karma is just that–creation of memories moment to moment–acquiring merit is futile–understanding is what liberates–if you feel you need merits before you start understanding enlightenment–you are making a mistake–because it’s your conviction which makes a merit meritorious–if you feel you have lost all merits and stay with it for long–dark, depressed and let dark forces of your psyche absorb your energy you will be going deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole–then miracles will be needed to come back!
As I was unable to sleep I went to my parents’ room. I knew that they were no longer parents but whoever they were I begged for help–I saw shadows of my mother’s body getting dressed up and it seemed it had 8 hands–my father’s body seemed powerful and I kept hearing him. I said whatever this awakening was why not they let this get finished soon–I was feeling unbearable pain. Just observe how my feelings changed–in the room of my sibling it was ‘suffering for others karmically in hellish realm’ and it became ‘awakening being facilitated by extra-terrestrial intelligence’ in other room. Clearly I was deluded and switching from level-to-level. I kept hearing my father figure that he had undergone suffering since he was fifteen years old and I should be strong and rely on myself–it was that night I decided to go to work again as a teacher–mother made tea.
Now on the full Moon day of Guru-Nanaka-Jayanti I went to search for work thinking that it was futile to eat bread which created Karma anymore. I walked and asked for work at many places like computer centers, astrologers, carpenters and hair-dressers, journalists and so on but couldn’t find it. I kept walking and saw the crew with bands celebrating Guru Nanaka Jayanti–it seemed like an avatara movie and I was being projected as Nanaka now as discussed with Death a few days ago–looking at Guru and his crew I cried with tears of joys and drums made a roar which I wanted to fill-in my spirits because I was hungry for love. They were all beautiful people but I felt I didn’t belong and needed to earn my bread so I kept walking–I knew it was a new dimension–I knew it’s what was shown in the avatara film which I watched in 2011 but at that I went to sleep halfway–had I watched that attentively I might have grasped what concept was–though I understood it fully from Hindu viewpoints but not modern extra-terrestrial intelligence viewpoint. I kept walking and near a temple I got a job at a store which sold sewing machines, cupboards and chairs. I was happy. I walked back with zest towards home–I had decided to earn an honest living because it might have been eating bread earned by someone else and ancestral Karma which made me suffer like this despite all my understanding and intelligence. I didn’t realize I had switched many time-lines in between but as I kept walking towards home I realized that I no longer wanted to live with old family members because it was an endless loop of time.
I remembered earlier in the day how I had lost glasses worth 5132 rupees when 2012 happened–how did they disappear? The glasses do play a role in continuing this matrix because there are no diseases whatsoever in Reality. While searching for job I changed my glasses at a shop because it seemed these family members used to give me glasses which made me look at everything–though there were no forms in reality–beautiful or otherwise. I observed that by standard 10th in school I had not acquired short-nearsightedness but rather vision because there was nothing to see–forms were projected by my consciousness and got created as they approached near me. It seemed logical to me–the Moon appeared bigger with naked eyes and smaller with glasses–the show was being run by dark forces I thought–three awakenings corresponded with three different glasses I used. I felt it was fully logical–my extremely subtle consciousness was walking on deluded paths.
I called my mom out and told I was going to leave and live on my own and told her about my glasses and avatara game as well. She pulled me inside and my father again started giving discourses in peremptory tones. I took their leave gently and walked away–after 100 meters or so my younger sibling came again and I asked him what he wanted–he wanted me to go to jail-hellhouse again. I told him it was already enough punishment for me. He tried to seduce me to eat betel-leaves–aha! How deluded a being would be to get seduced for betel-leaves mixture and suffer hell in return I thought. I told him about the dimensional upgrade and Avatara–he didn’t leave me and persuaded me to go to other house. The house where I had died before. There as I reached and kept discussing with those two they kept amusing me and then my other sibling with mom approached–they all looked very phony as if they wanted to keep me a prisoner forever. I asked them to leave me alone–they were overbearing and rapid–doing all the things I hated and not leaving me free–then to my surprise my mother slept in the room besides and as I tried to get a shut eye–I heard whispers and saw various things moving rapidly. I woke up and saw dim yellow light shadows on wall and recalled horrors I had undergone before in that room waiting for time and death to let me go forever. I decided now I wanted to leave for good. I asked for the key of the door–the two boys were in the room beside mine–they gave me key but I had to be very courageous and I started chanting Gurumantra and walking. They kept chasing me and called my family members. I kept walking with courage collecting all the strength I had left in me–they kept chasing and I paid no attention to their hellish tortuous voices and forms and then my father and brother kept arguing and pushing me and I pushed them away while walking and kept walking–I was certainly gaining karmic momentum, for myself, exercising for body’s health and trying to transcend the most hellish realm I had ever been to–I kept walking and all ran back after about 15 kilometers except that boy who was possessed by nagas and other spirits and lived as my neighbor. I took his phone and threw it away in the shrubs–he then got busy with it and all along I hadn’t stopped chanting guru mantra and walking with my ears covered. I kept both my hands on ears and listening inner sounds kept chanting. I kept walking until I reached into the town outside the city which is known as Nowgong–after that they were gone and I was exhausted. I took left turns to a field and kept giving up my sandals, pants, underwear and shirt one by one and sat naked in the field–fearless facing the Moon which looked like the satellite of dark forces as I had read in David Icke’s forums.
Ah–dogs were barking and there were some lit tombs around but I knew they could not come near me as I was chanting gurumantra–I sat there in Samadhi or sleep–whatever that was now–I thought I would live like a naked saint/beggar not ever telling about my identity to anyone. Readers of Tibetan Book of The Dead might notice that I had died long ago and it was all in the astral realms–I was pulled towards hellish realms because of distrust and negative evolutionary momentum–now as I clearly saw all along I was part of a game–a matrix–and I was that matrix–the witness–I thought it was enough–from the darkest corners of psyche in the house where I had died–I found clear light in mustering courage based on Gurumantra and it was GuruNanaka Jayanti–My initiation Guru came from his lineagae. I now saw clear light of predawn sky(Translucency)–before that–the full Moon belonged to Luminance stage where desire is emphasis with 33 instinct patterns–I had found intuition the way to live–now driven by instincts for human association and negative evolutionary momentum I came out of the field–I had lost the T-shirt I was wearing–I found pant and footwears and wore them and came out–it was chilling cold but I thought I was immortal having seen all stages of death–having lived in various realms . I moved towards the city I came from–why not towards any other city? Instincts. I sat at a place where people were using fire to warm their hands. They seemed like mechanical human beings–looking me half naked they asked me some questions and then started passing scornful remarks like “he seems to be a nutcase..” and so on–I thought I was fully sane and even saintly why were they behaving like that?
Walking back towards the city I had the professor chemist genius protagonist of Breaking Bad(Bryan Cranston) in mind. In an episode he did something just like me–given flavor of dark forces for drama and my affinity with Buddha Amitabha–it was bound to happen. I went to a tea shop(instincts) and begged for tea–telling I had no money–the lady obliged me and made no judgement on me. A man on nearby petrol pump called me and asked me where I was from and I told him–he gave me two shirts to wear–a yellow and a black one–they are all symbolic to dream–and meaningful to magicians–I thanked the guy–this same guy appeared at the bus stand when I was beaten by a policeman in a later episode during next night–you might read about that in previous posts to appreciate how lucidly Karma works and yet remains just that–a mere show–make believe for a witness.
None of the pain or sufferings seemed real because they were like in a dream–yet something about them was real–I abhorred repetition. I wanted new challenges and displayed my creativity as an artist like Charlie Chaplin or Raj Kapoor but on a bigger drama screen–unafraid and fully knowing that I was one single solid block of Reality like everything else I perceived. I went to a public lavatory and asked to use it telling that I had no money and I was willing to work as a cleaner afterwards. The problem to empty my bowels suggests the getting attached to elemental again–I witnessed the “Radiance” by observing Sun–now I wanted to be a Karmayogi and saint–aggression emphasis with 40 instinct patterns. Now I kept walking and reached the city bus stand and went to the shop where I had asked for work. It’s near Doodhnath Temple in Chhatarpur. I thought the name alluded to myself because I had never heard about any such temple–and it meant lord of milk. I saw that a man had come–he was not the man with whom I had talked about the work previous day–I told him about the agreement and he asked me to help him open the shop–the shop which seemed like a cakewalk and had no work seemed like that of giants–I helped him bring out all machines one by one and heard all his decent and harsh remarks with patience–after all this was going to be my life now–I had forgotten glasses–writing–past and everything–I told them I was an illiterate who merely knew to read and I was an orphan. As soon as I told that in detail–a dead body was being carried for last rites with “Raam Naam Satya Hai.” It meant I had killed my parents by telling a lie or that I had killed myself–whatever interpretation you want to make–but I wanted a new life now–working on my own. On this shop I again observed patterns of dark forces and energy vampires. I wanted to be a clean slate but couldn’t I sat there after having done sweeping and moping which seemed to take eons. I begged for money for food–the man who had appointed me said it was the first day–I said I was hungry and weak and needed to eat. He gave me ten rupees and I rushed to the samosa-jalebee shop and ate handful to gain energy and positive evolutionary momentum. Near that shop was a big Peepal tree and it seemed familiar(Deja Vu)–now it seemed I had gained enough karmic momentum to reach in a better dimension. I sat on a chair besides the owner and let Sun rays fall on my face–like an austere monk-I kept witnessing my mind. I knew they were reading my mind. The time seemed really long and as I started dozing off the horns on road and traffic started to go haywire–as was the case since I had died. I took one leave to pee. I felt I was in the realm of gods now. The owner of the shop inquired a few things and I started seeing four-headed beings on bikes–which horrified me–maybe they were gods but for me they seemed like hell-beings because they created fear. Now owner seemed like a godly man and again inquired about the man who had appointed me–I was not supposed to ask futile questions–humbly I said he was on a shop nearby–but it was too long a time. By the time it was 4 o’clock it seemed an age had passed–I realized Bramha’s day was over and it wasn’t my designated job to work on that shop. The guy who had appointed me came back and entire day nothing but 4 nails were sold–no customers came–nothing–he said to me it was the job–I returned the four rupees I had left–and forgot the black shirt in his cupboard.
I started walking up the town witnessing darkness–I kept walking and spoke to a person in a shop–I asked him if we needed money there–he said yes we did–I thought it was not right because I was in heaven. I kept walking and reached on road where full Sun shone brightly(Radiance)[ Note–the shop had a death sequence–full translucency and then many stages which I didn’t recognize at that stage as I read Tibetan Book after many months of the events–I do recognize observing four-headed hell beings as ‘pitch-darkness’ because it was unconsciousness and frightening. Now Radiance stage had me instinctually believe that I was in the Saaket Loka–heavenly realm of lord Rama where everyone is God. I went to a water caltrop seller lady–and asked with reverence “mother could I eat some of these, I have no money.” She obliged me–almost all women except my mother and grandmother in my journeys made me feel relaxed and obliged me with food–almost always. Women in my family were considered subservient to be controlled by their lords(pati)–owner of the household–so much stood for most of Indian society and culture at large. I kept walking after thanking her and then events described in another post took place–being supported or haunted by Nagas–being taken to a hotel–being beaten by a policeman–visiting home–witnessing many parallel universes–Krishna consciousness–Shiva and Shakti in form of dogs–meeting God and son who returns to his father after a long cycle–then again coming back to previous home to live a new life in pitch darkness–to work to pay karmic dues and attend mystery schools.
You observe how much we are attached to forms by instinct. Tea, urges to urinate, to eat, four-headed forms, boredom, aversion to work for living in third dimensional realms, aversion towards a family who suffered for imaginary reasons and always killed creative spirit–poverty ridden patriarchal society–conspiracy theories–hollywood films–saints who shunned body and espoused spirit–tolerance–love for Truth–experimentation–courage and fearlessness moved me in these adventures and it all happened on Guru Nanak Jayanti Nov 14-15 and then on November 27th I was taken on another journey for another secret initiation–about which I will write in the next post.