The fifth dimensional awareness struck me like a thunderbolt all of a sudden and more so because of my recklessness, blind trusting, vulnerability and above all because of the way awakening happens for you at every stage especially if you are not under the tutelage of a live master or don’t belong to a group which practices spiritual discipline. Let it be made clear that physically I am still under the roof where it all transpired but as moment-to-moment infinite portals, dimensions and relative realities are intermingling it is evident to realize that it’s a new world and new home. I am still living with same parents and siblings as far as identities are concerned and I do hope to be on my own when things inside me and outside me settle a bit.
In 2007, 2012, 2014 and 2015 and finally in November 2016 all mystical things happened at this place. Though they did happen elsewhere as in Bhopal, Bangalore, Chennai and Pune–they were darkest here and almost always very dense and painful.[ I do invite any loving and caring readers to share their insights if they feel like doing so and if this write-up helps you which is my intention behind sharing it–it will be healing for all of us!]
As I had shared in previous mystery school articles I was brought out of my seclusion to help people by divine inspiration. My younger sibling lived a difficult existence–not in good terms with family members and unable to secure a job. As he had to quit a chance to take another exam I felt like interacting with him and guide him a bit. We have been discussing spirituality all our lives and since he was five years younger than me many meditation techniques were introduced to him by me. I used to live at another house after being disgruntled with environment which didn’t allow a lot of silence to meditate. I wanted to live in an ashram but my mother’s insistence on not letting me go and my faith that it will all be right at the right time–surrendering to divine will yet maintaining my firm stance against living like material people who were possessed by poverty consciousness had me in a minimal contact with anyone else in family but mother.
Now as I contacted my brother during the healing session in hospital we again started communicating and I told him about my understanding of creation and total liberation I had achieved as per my understanding. We went to a farm and there I told him about what Bramha, Vishnu and Mahesh meant in the Hindu trinity and what it meant to be beyond all these as pure being. I also explained him about relativity of time and event horizon–that all events are independent and causation is purely a conjecture. I explained him that since only knowing exists and knower and the known arise in the knowing there is no solid center who is a personality. What this meant is there was no need to believe in Karma or destiny. I told him that time and space were also based on relativity and belief. The same stood true for heat, cold, hunger and diseases. The people around you shape weather, likes, dislikes and so on based on suggestions. I told him that body-mind image was based on infinite sensations collected by an ego out of the memory moment to moment by an ‘I’ which arose only for that moment and died as soon as the moment was over. Moreover the moment’s measure could be infinitely discreted dividing it in smaller and smaller parts such as terrasecond, nanosecond and so on. Taking an example–I told him that for a fly a life time is what a second is for a higher being and the same is many life-times for a microorganism. All these concepts greatly appealed the lad who mostly used to hear me with awe and wonder.
After a few days we were again talking over the roof and the space had great depth about it. As usual he venerated me as a Guru and we were politely discussing something when I was struck was a lightening bolt of thunder in my head. I told him that a great war was soon going to happen and it was our choice to participate from ‘this’ side or ‘that.’ As I said those words some flashes of my friends clearly emerged before my mind’s eye and I realized that ‘this’ meant ‘unity consciousness’ which didn’t care too much for narrow family traditional values which wanted to guard possessions, bloodlines and selfish motives against all odds and ‘that’ meant obviously the narrow consciousness of being a family member who was supposed to labor all his life for fulfilling imaginary duties ingrained in narrow poverty consciousness to fight from one’s cabal against myriad other cabals forever.
Now miracles started happening. As soon as my brother started speaking in a threatening, imposing and aggressive tone–all his humility and discipline was gone. It had happened before–in the moments of being possessed by anger he used to lose all sense of respect and memory of spiritual values but this time it was unmistakably intense and striking. As was my nature I kept witnessing this and felt as if traditional deity worshiped as Shiva was speaking through him. He told me that I was being arrogant and he was a devotee. I felt smothered by the thunderbolt of electric pulses to my surprise because I had given up all contact with him and family and came back only to save him out of his misery and here he took a stance of smothering my entire being. Then something strange happened–as I used to feel dissolution of subject-object duality there arose a consciousness which spoke through me as Krishna-consciousness and said that the body-vehicle of mine was a pure one. It might have been delusion of grandeur except for the fact that I had no physical-mental power left to utter a word and yet I felt the finality of this conversation stopped me from leaving it. My whole body shuddered in fear. As conversation kept happening I realized that I was being threatened for considering myself divine(as potentially divine as everyone else) and the servitude of devotional ardor which doesn’t recognize perfection in one and all was speaking through my brother. I realized that it was somehow the same consciousness speaking through both vehicles. Since it becomes difficult to filter messages at times of high energy crisis it was indeed foggy but one thing which was certain was intensity and power which made the other ‘disabled’ when it took over one. My stance was as it had always been that of unity consciousness and oneness of all life and their has been that of preserving family traditions and values.
Exhausted as I came downstairs and sat on a chair thinking about what had transpired between two of us the brother closed his eyes and started throwing force-fields again onto my brain. I was not willing to be aggressive as I never was–in total acceptance I bore that torture and realized how vain my efforts at willing to save others have been when they were possessed by such vehement forces. Crying and defeated utterly I went to my parents room who were surprisingly already aware of these energy exchanges. I was lying on the bed waiting for my aggressive vehement father and mother to further possess my body. I felt very faint at that time and extremely afraid and losing consciousness. I felt like a helpless, victimized lady waiting for her body to be ate by vultures. I didn’t know what happened there because it was at a speed I couldn’t perceive but after some time my mother brought me a cup of tea. What happened was because of ‘forced surrender’ and not because of true humility. I was trapped into helping people who were suffering while the truth was that they were merely possessed by darkness. As I sat there drinking tea I burst into tears crying my heart out and witnessed that my father and mother simultaneously started rubbing my heart center from behind at different points. This filled me with divine energy of love. As I was crying out loud for love and had witnessed all drama in which they were all party along with me–it was time to feel divine bliss. It was a homecoming. I felt that divine mother Kali was using mother’s body and divine father Shiva was using my father’s body. It clearly was conveyed to me that things were as they were supposed to be. I clearly perceived that my mother was past, father was future and I was present-NOW. I was giving birth to a new universe and all was one. I also felt that I was Krishna and Ganesha as I had sacrificed myself for others.
These divine revelations after the dark ones made me feel better yet physically and mentally I was so fragile and weak that I could hardly utter a word. I had a feeling that it was futile to struggle anymore as I was up against such powerful dark forces and there psychic force and power was the only way. Fear and controlling was the only law. All that I had learnt, practiced and preached–love, light and bliss seemed useless. This made me feel that I was helpless, weak and needed to serve them and also pay my dues(karmic obligations which I didn’t believe in) Thereafter I assumed the role of a humble householder for next 2 months in which 5th dimensional earth showed me many more miracles but it wasn’t supposed to stay because it was all based on coercion and manipulation by force. For next two months I felt like being a slave, a machine, a robot, a prostitute, a genii or even like a ghost.
If you felt that this unsettled you–my apologies–though this is our collective darkness which you have to witness in order to let light shine through. Some of the things which I witnessed with intensity were present during my normal third dimensional existence in one form or another–such as servitude, poverty consciousness, addictions in family, arguments and disharmony, controlling by manipulation instead of telling the truth, blind devotion to strange deities and so on and they form what you may call ‘tribal consciousness’ of my locality and of the world. I feel part of what I witnessed was because of my entrance into the fifth dimension and because unity consciousness was at war with tribal consciousness as December 2016 approached.
I wondered since when I have been slave to these people. It was only for those 8-10 years when I was away from my native place that I felt a bit free from dominating and controlling patriarchs but really did I? There also I invented some guides and fathers which were needed at every step for every decision because I didn’t stand up on my legs and didn’t give up false materialistic life which had no beauty and joy in it. When I did give it all up it stayed in the subconscious and unconscious and its depth as abyss became even greater–the false compassion to save a mother who was blinded by animal attachment but was neither free herself nor could let me be free in my own company made me a slave to a life which was neither material nor spiritual. Women empowerment needed to be a paradigm shift since my childhood days and that is why I had to so intensely feel pain of gender inequality. I had to witness how deeply ingrained fear of losing one’s false identity is. Despite having realized that all forms are divine and darkness is only those shadows where light hasn’t reached I couldn’t really face prospect of my gender being changed under the magical spells because it was under coercion and state of affairs in the patriarchal society for women was dismal. I was shown the subtle pride I took in my masculine identity despite all my enlightenment. This also made me reflect well on deeply ingrained love for identity which is born every moment as love for one’s body-mind which goes a bit against the traditional awakening teachings of neglecting our body and mind.
I often felt like a poor baby who merely waited for a meal. I read a poem when I was about six years old: it went like this “Kal bhaat aayega ek pateela garam garam aur geela geela.” It is in Hindi and in English it means: tomorrow rice bowl will come and it will be hot and wet. The orphan kid used to talk to a post box and the post box used to soothe the poor baby with love. I felt that I was like the baby intensely hungry for love and nurturing and had long since lost all family, tribe, friends and community. Even assurance of light of being in the ‘natural state’ was lost as I entered in the fifth dimension to face dark forces and mysterious events one after another which kept knocking me off my feet. What was I to do? Who would believe my story and since there was no other–why were all my reflections so dark? Perhaps I had lost ‘the way’ ‘Tao’ somewhere. Nisargadatta, Eckhart, David Lynch and a few spiritual friends kept giving me assurance about the light at the end of the tunnel. So many visions, experiences, ecstasies, possessions and wisdom and yet there is infinite more to discover!
image courtesy: here